You CAN'T make this crap up!!!

I had so much "fun" today!  Seriously....a 'crap-tastic' day!!!!  I really wish I had photos to share with you.  But I don't.  Because in real life you don't always have your camera!  And if I did have photos of my day today, you just simply wouldn't probably believe what happened.....you would think I 'set it all up.' 


Starts off at 6am---when I really didn't want to get up.

6:01am---Clothes in dryer are not dry......Dryer is taking a crap....and we have 'oodles and oodles' of money just laying around to buy a new one!

6:45am--- can't get the kids up.  This is usual, but the way today went....it just builds up from here!

7:15am--- Fight in the kitchen with the kids over what 'eat and run breakfast' is available to us.  Meltdown because there where NO peanut butter crackers!  Thanks Daddy for leaving the empty box in the cupboard giving the children false hope!

7:25am---In the car now.....locked and loaded!  Ready to roll!

7:25 and 1 second am---Oh I feel sorry for our dog.  She is locked up in the kennel because I don't trust her with the kittens alone when no one is home.  She is a past suspect in a kitten murder.  But being the humane person I am...and knowing it's going to hit almost 100* today.....I think I need to not let her out of the kennel, but give her an extra bowl of water!!!

7:26am---I put  the car in park and tell the kids to stay in.  I go up to the house and turn on the water hose and start untangling.  Oh great, now the kids are out of the car!!!!!  Running around with kittens.

7:27am---I open the kennel to water Daisy....because I really do care about her.  The excitement of the kids and kittens excites her and she barges her way out between me and the kennel.  GREAT!!!!

7:35am---FINALLY rounded up a dog and 2 children and shooshed away 6 cats!  We are finally MOVING in the right direction.

8:06am---Just about get ran over in the school parking lot! 

8:06 and 30seconds am---Just about got sideswiped in the school parking lot!

Seriously would like to talk to whomever drew up the plans for the school parking lot!!!!  It truly is a nightmare!!!

8:10am---Clocked in to work....only 10 minutes late!!!!!  I feel like I have won the battle!!!!!

Things are going smoothly......everything is good. 

11:43am---Left alone at work......then I am bombed with 3 customers and the phone is ringing!  WHY!  why me.....

NOON!---Afternoon worker is now at work.  we have no customers for the next hour and fifteen minutes...seriously????....why me.

1:15pm---Leave for my guitar lesson/lunch break.  I know you are all saying 'what?'  Yes, yes, I play guitar and I am totally 'crap-tastic' at that too!!!!

1:30pm---Arrive at lesson.....no teacher......mmmm.....what....
text him......he says "i'll be there....."
mmmmm.......

1:45pm---He shows up....and appoligizes.....I asked what time is my lesson???  I am confused...is it 1:30 or 2....i think i am losing it.
He says "your lesson is at 2....am I that late?"
Me....feeling like TOTAL idiot....."No you are not late at all.....I am 15 minutes early......"

2:45pm---Arrive back at work......yeah, 10 minutes late today and then I take an hour and a half lunch break!  Nice one.  Think I will be skipping lunch tomorrow....

2:46pm---Hurry up and finish a flower arrangement that is suppose to be delivered at 3pm and it's not done!!!

3:13pm---Jump in the floral delivery van with the arrangement and hit the road.

3:16pm---See red and blue lights behind me.....kindly move out of the way....

Oh WAIT...the red and blue lights are kindly following me as I kindly move out of the way........ oh dear....

3:17pm---Officer comes to window.
 And tells me I don't have my seatbelt on!
 WHAT!!!!  ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME!!!!! 
He ask for my license.....well I don't have it!
 He says "YOU DON'T HAVE IT WITH YOU!"  
Uh no!!!  I explain to him that I am OR now WAS in a hurry to get these flowers delivered..  They needed to be there by 3 and I just grabbed the flowers and the van key and took off. 
And he says "WELL YOU GOT GOING AFTER 3"  
really, no shit!!!!!  I am in a hurry, you are lucky I was not speeding....now the flowers are going to be even more LATE!!!!
He then ask for the registration and insurance card......After I dig thru 12 years worth of registrations and insurance cards I finally find the current one!  I am thinking NO ONE has probably EVER gotten pulled over in the floral van!!!!!!!!!

3:19pm---I have to step back into the patrol car!  OH! AND IT HAS THE DRUG DOG IN IT!!!!!
He ask me what my name is and this is EXACTLY what I say........
"My name is Katie..........well.......my real name is.....(he looks up at me very interested)...... Katherine....but I go by Katie"
And then I laugh!!!!!  Because when I get nervous...I LAUGH!  and now I am sweating.....because when I get nervous I SWEAT!
Then he ask for my middle name.
"Jeanette"  And he ask me to spell it......
I spell "J-E-A-N-EE-T-E"
Can you spell it again...
"J-E-A-N-EE-T-.........OOPS (nervous laugh) J-E-A-N-E-T-T-E!"
Next he ask for my address....And then ask me to spell the town!
I said "Are you serious?  I feel like this is a pop quiz!!!"  followed by stupid nervous laugh.  I then begin kicking myself inside.....saying "you idiot....stop acting like a flipping idiot...he probably thinks you are higher than a kite....and the drug dog must think so too, because he is awfully quiet!"
So I say "Well, at least this is free advertising for the flower shop!  Don't really know if it is good or bad advertising!" .... and he just looks at me.....

3:24pm---watch 4 other cars get pulled over.  Mr Cop says "As you can see we are in the middle of an operation!  Ever heard 'Click it or Ticket'"       
I wanna scream "Yeah....ever heard of 'Screw it or Fuck it'! Also known as 'Operation My Day Sucks'!!!!"

3:26pm---Am finally given my operation click it or ticket-ticket .....and realize it really should be "Screw it or Fuck it".........$127.50!!!!!!!   REALLLLLLYYYYY!!!!!  $127.50!!!!!! let me spell that out for you!!!!!
ONE HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN DOLLARS AND 50 CENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:34pm---Deliver the flowers with a 'you have no idea what I have been thru to get HERE' smile :)

3:46pm---Back at work.  Other employees ask...where are you been!!!!  I give them the above story and they make fun of me!

3:53pm---Husband calls work.  All excited about Huey Lewis being at the Clay County Fair.  Wants to know if I wanna go......(not really, but it's a night out...without the kids....)
I ask how much is a ticket?
Husband says $35.
I say NO....How much is a seatbelt ticket???
He says...what?
I say How much is a seatbelt ticket????
He says...I don't know....$140?
I say NO....it is one hundred twenty seven dollars and 50 cents.
He says....you idiot!!! Did you get a seatbelt ticket!!!

5:00 and not a second later---I punch out from work!!!!
Walking to my mini van and get hollared at by some young punks......sadly might be the highlight of my day.

5:16pm---pick up kids from daycare and have heard non-stop yelling, whining, fighting ever since....

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!
 And on top of it all....it's "that time of the month." 
WHERE'S THE TEQUILA!!!!!!

Back to School Party!

About a month ago I was on vacation.....not anywhere fancy.  Just a vacation from work.  I spent the week home with my girls.  Autumn bugged me every single day to have friends over.  And it's just not that easy when you live in the country....and especially when you open enroll you kids to another school district.....everyone seems to live so far away.  So I told her to just wait and when school started we would have a 'back to school party.'  I believe I didn't really mean it,  but boy she did not forget it.  So school started a week and a half ago---and I have heard about the party everyday!   So we just invited our cousins Grace and Abby over.  Grace and my Autumn go to school together in 2nd grade.  And Abby and my Alli will be going to PreSchool this year!!!  How exciting.

So let's get this party started!!!!!

First each kid got a pencil box filled with goodies!

Sorry for my not so 'craftiness.'  Had I not pulled this party out of my ass.....  I would have properly cut out the words in cute little circles...and glued them to pretty scrapbook paper that would have also been cut out in a pretty circle shape...and I would have tied the label on with a pretty ribbon!  But truth is, I didn't have time, I didn't have any scrapbook paper, and I really am not that patient!

When I get my job with Martha Stewart I promise to take the time to make it look pretty! :)

Next we made out first snack for the day.

Edible Pencils!

FAIL!!! The kids were not impressed!  Look at Alli's face!  Boring!

And they do look gross!  String cheese for the pencil, Bugle for the point.  Bit of raisin for the 'lead' glued together with cream cheese.....The picture I saw on Family Fun website was super cute.  And also had an eraser made out of *puke* BOLOGNA!!!  Oops, I forgot to buy the bologna!....on purpose!

For our drinks we had "Smart Water"  Autumn wanted hers to go straight to her brain!

Abby wasn't sure about the smart water.

Smart girl.

Alli was all for the smart water.

And Grace informed me: "It really doesn't make you any smarter!  It's plain old water!"

Next up was a school bus snack!

SUCCESS!!!  Now they LOVED these!

Here's mine!  I'm so proud.  Graham cracker base, yellow frosting.  Mini oreo wheels, and Cinnamon toast crunch windows and door!

And for supper we had a bookworm pizza!!!

No worms were really used for the pizza.  I saw a healthy version of this on Family Fun website and adapted it to my not so healthy lifestyle!  :)

I used Pillsbury refrigerated pizza crust that I ripped apart and made into tiny circles to make our worm.  Topped it with pizza sauce, pepperoni, olives, and cheese.  And added some green pepper legs and antennae.  I must add, I should have taken a "before baked" picture....as his face was so much cuter.  As it baked his head got HUGE and his face got deformed!!!

Now it was cousin and kitten time!

Put 'em on your head!!!

Then we pogoed!  Well, the kids did-I did not!

Then we played "Rodeo"

We didn't have enough horses, but Grace was a good sport and said she would be the "flag girl!"

Perfect day.  Perfect start of the school year.

And I didn't even make fun of the Farmer once in this post!!!  But let me tell you, during this whole 'party' he was looking at me so confused.....and blurted out several times "What the hell is wrong with you?"  He is just jealous of my 'craftiness.'



I'm LAZY!!!!

Farmer says I am becoming lazy at this blogging thing......and that it seems I only make fun of him.....well, truth be told....I am lazy.  At this blogging thing and everything!  So lazy that right now I should be cleaning, but decided to take a 'break.'----While the Farmer is mopping the kitchen floor!!!!  See who is smart here?  Me!!!!!!

I am....or was....and will be.....frantically cleaning the house for my totally thrown together, pulled out of my ass, "BACK TO SCHOOL PARTY!!!" 

So check back tomorrow.  I hope to have pics up of our party.....if I wake up from my wine induced coma.

He's Cheating!

He's Cheating!

Got your attention, didn't I?!!!

Lately my farmer has been spending way too much time in his tractor.....and I'm wondering if I dreamed up I had a husband---and bore children on my own--- and I am some kind of odd medical mystery???  Hmmm???



Here is farmers tractor...............his home for the summer and fall....

Here is his "lady friend" for the summer and fall..........

In case you didn't see her.........here is a close up............

I haven't gotten a name out of him...or her yet......but I like to pretend her name is "Keoki"....which I searched Hawaiian names for 10 minutes on Google...and decided on ''Keoki" because it meant "farmer, earth-worker."

Which I thought was suitable if my farmer was going to 'cheat' on me with a Hawaiian maiden.

I also thought you may enjoy seeing the poor seat that has to haul him around all summer/fall...

We like....or maybe I like...to keep the bit of plastic covering hanging out the headrest to keep giving it that "new tractor feel."   Doesn't it look comfy!?  Maybe this Christmas, "Keoki" will give him a LazyBoy seat!

My hot date with Adam Levine

Ah, well, tonight Adam Levine along with his group Maroon 5 are playing-what I am sure will be the concert of the decade- at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines, Iowa.  And as the "Iowa State Farm Queen" I am quite certain I was probably suppose to have front row tickets and backstage passes to that event!!!!

***This is a pretend photo.*** 

I'm sure there would have been one like this, had my invite not been overlooked!

But, instead I will be sitting in my castlefarm house, sipping sangrias, dancing in my Hawkeye sweatpants,  and listening to Adam sing with Maroon 5 from my CD that will be playing from the Wii game console and blasting thru my TV speakers....since I don't have a CD player......well I do, but it's in my mini van.........

Maybe I have to go "potty"

So the husband and I just got our little girls a mommy cat with 4 kittens.  The girls are in love and the kittens are in love.  They are just too cute together.

However, the mommy cat and I have a special bond!  We don't love each other, but we understand each other.

Autumn comes running in the house the other night, in a total panic attack!  "The mommy cat is trying to go to the bathroom and the kitties won't let her!!!!"  I say "Autumn, she'll be fine!"  Autumn now almost in tears, grabs my hand and says "No mommy come look, she needs help!"

So this is what I go out to......

Yes, poor momma lovingly feeding her kittens....and "holding it."



And then I'm like WAIT, you don't have a grey kitten.......

EWWWW!  Get out of there Smokey!  You sicko!!!!

Look at her-- so had to "go" so badly....she was wincing in pain......

So I say to the kids...."You know, this is how mommy feels sometimes.  Like when I am trying to go to the bathroom....or take a shower....or get dressed.  Sometimes you need to give mommies alone time!"
I turn around just in time to get this picture of Alli's shocked face....

"What do you mean, you like to go to the bathroom by yourself???"

"And shower by yourself!  Geez, you're asking a lot Mom!!!"

So I came across this little quote on Pinterest...and found it so fitting for me and mommy kitty....

Where is my knight?

Well, yesterday we had a new friend wasp try to move in with us....

do you see it up in there?  it was way meaner than it looks!

My two little farm girls alerted me of the situation as I was making lunch...and as they were buildng a tent to hide from the wasp.....

Alli saying "Is it gone?"

Hubby had awakened from his nap and was out in the time machine barn....I called him via cell phone and briefed him on our situation.  He said "What do you want me to do about it?"  Uh?? What???  What do I want YOU to do about it?  Well.....I want YOU to come in here like a knight in shining armour and get that damn thing!  I want YOU to come rescue me and your two little princesses! 

Put he didn't......so I made him into a knight!

"Did I hear a damsel in distress?"

So what to do, what to do.  We had no insect killer spray....since husband had used it all up the other day.  Had no sticky fly tape to catch it with, since husband had thrown that away.  Yes, I will turn this whole scenerio into his fault for not helping his damsel in distress.......

"Eeeek!  Oh help me, help me!  There is a wasp in here!"

(that's me!)



So, I set out with a rolled up newspaper. I hit it twice and did nothing put piss the poor thing off, scare the crap out of myself, and make my children hide further into their tent.

Let's take a moment for you to admire how clean the corner of my window is!

I'm a neat freak!  What can I say!

But that wasp is MAD!!!!

All of a sudden, I had a fantastic idea! 

 (Like I usually do!) 

   I will spray it with hairspray! 

 It will work like glue!

(hey, I made a short poem!)



And it worked!  Now let's hope it was "All Day Hold."

Little Alli finally came out of her hiding tent.  Looked at the remains of the wasp...and said "Mmmm, it smells good over here!"  Yes dear, that is how a princess kills a wasp, and keeps the house smelling good!