Back to School Party!

About a month ago I was on vacation.....not anywhere fancy.  Just a vacation from work.  I spent the week home with my girls.  Autumn bugged me every single day to have friends over.  And it's just not that easy when you live in the country....and especially when you open enroll you kids to another school district.....everyone seems to live so far away.  So I told her to just wait and when school started we would have a 'back to school party.'  I believe I didn't really mean it,  but boy she did not forget it.  So school started a week and a half ago---and I have heard about the party everyday!   So we just invited our cousins Grace and Abby over.  Grace and my Autumn go to school together in 2nd grade.  And Abby and my Alli will be going to PreSchool this year!!!  How exciting.

So let's get this party started!!!!!

First each kid got a pencil box filled with goodies!

Sorry for my not so 'craftiness.'  Had I not pulled this party out of my ass.....  I would have properly cut out the words in cute little circles...and glued them to pretty scrapbook paper that would have also been cut out in a pretty circle shape...and I would have tied the label on with a pretty ribbon!  But truth is, I didn't have time, I didn't have any scrapbook paper, and I really am not that patient!

When I get my job with Martha Stewart I promise to take the time to make it look pretty! :)

Next we made out first snack for the day.

Edible Pencils!

FAIL!!! The kids were not impressed!  Look at Alli's face!  Boring!

And they do look gross!  String cheese for the pencil, Bugle for the point.  Bit of raisin for the 'lead' glued together with cream cheese.....The picture I saw on Family Fun website was super cute.  And also had an eraser made out of *puke* BOLOGNA!!!  Oops, I forgot to buy the bologna!....on purpose!

For our drinks we had "Smart Water"  Autumn wanted hers to go straight to her brain!

Abby wasn't sure about the smart water.

Smart girl.

Alli was all for the smart water.

And Grace informed me: "It really doesn't make you any smarter!  It's plain old water!"

Next up was a school bus snack!

SUCCESS!!!  Now they LOVED these!

Here's mine!  I'm so proud.  Graham cracker base, yellow frosting.  Mini oreo wheels, and Cinnamon toast crunch windows and door!

And for supper we had a bookworm pizza!!!

No worms were really used for the pizza.  I saw a healthy version of this on Family Fun website and adapted it to my not so healthy lifestyle!  :)

I used Pillsbury refrigerated pizza crust that I ripped apart and made into tiny circles to make our worm.  Topped it with pizza sauce, pepperoni, olives, and cheese.  And added some green pepper legs and antennae.  I must add, I should have taken a "before baked" picture....as his face was so much cuter.  As it baked his head got HUGE and his face got deformed!!!

Now it was cousin and kitten time!

Put 'em on your head!!!

Then we pogoed!  Well, the kids did-I did not!

Then we played "Rodeo"

We didn't have enough horses, but Grace was a good sport and said she would be the "flag girl!"

Perfect day.  Perfect start of the school year.

And I didn't even make fun of the Farmer once in this post!!!  But let me tell you, during this whole 'party' he was looking at me so confused.....and blurted out several times "What the hell is wrong with you?"  He is just jealous of my 'craftiness.'



I'm LAZY!!!!

Farmer says I am becoming lazy at this blogging thing......and that it seems I only make fun of him.....well, truth be told....I am lazy.  At this blogging thing and everything!  So lazy that right now I should be cleaning, but decided to take a 'break.'----While the Farmer is mopping the kitchen floor!!!!  See who is smart here?  Me!!!!!!

I am....or was....and will be.....frantically cleaning the house for my totally thrown together, pulled out of my ass, "BACK TO SCHOOL PARTY!!!" 

So check back tomorrow.  I hope to have pics up of our party.....if I wake up from my wine induced coma.

He's Cheating!

He's Cheating!

Got your attention, didn't I?!!!

Lately my farmer has been spending way too much time in his tractor.....and I'm wondering if I dreamed up I had a husband---and bore children on my own--- and I am some kind of odd medical mystery???  Hmmm???



Here is farmers tractor...............his home for the summer and fall....

Here is his "lady friend" for the summer and fall..........

In case you didn't see her.........here is a close up............

I haven't gotten a name out of him...or her yet......but I like to pretend her name is "Keoki"....which I searched Hawaiian names for 10 minutes on Google...and decided on ''Keoki" because it meant "farmer, earth-worker."

Which I thought was suitable if my farmer was going to 'cheat' on me with a Hawaiian maiden.

I also thought you may enjoy seeing the poor seat that has to haul him around all summer/fall...

We like....or maybe I like...to keep the bit of plastic covering hanging out the headrest to keep giving it that "new tractor feel."   Doesn't it look comfy!?  Maybe this Christmas, "Keoki" will give him a LazyBoy seat!

My hot date with Adam Levine

Ah, well, tonight Adam Levine along with his group Maroon 5 are playing-what I am sure will be the concert of the decade- at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines, Iowa.  And as the "Iowa State Farm Queen" I am quite certain I was probably suppose to have front row tickets and backstage passes to that event!!!!

***This is a pretend photo.*** 

I'm sure there would have been one like this, had my invite not been overlooked!

But, instead I will be sitting in my castlefarm house, sipping sangrias, dancing in my Hawkeye sweatpants,  and listening to Adam sing with Maroon 5 from my CD that will be playing from the Wii game console and blasting thru my TV speakers....since I don't have a CD player......well I do, but it's in my mini van.........

Maybe I have to go "potty"

So the husband and I just got our little girls a mommy cat with 4 kittens.  The girls are in love and the kittens are in love.  They are just too cute together.

However, the mommy cat and I have a special bond!  We don't love each other, but we understand each other.

Autumn comes running in the house the other night, in a total panic attack!  "The mommy cat is trying to go to the bathroom and the kitties won't let her!!!!"  I say "Autumn, she'll be fine!"  Autumn now almost in tears, grabs my hand and says "No mommy come look, she needs help!"

So this is what I go out to......

Yes, poor momma lovingly feeding her kittens....and "holding it."



And then I'm like WAIT, you don't have a grey kitten.......

EWWWW!  Get out of there Smokey!  You sicko!!!!

Look at her-- so had to "go" so badly....she was wincing in pain......

So I say to the kids...."You know, this is how mommy feels sometimes.  Like when I am trying to go to the bathroom....or take a shower....or get dressed.  Sometimes you need to give mommies alone time!"
I turn around just in time to get this picture of Alli's shocked face....

"What do you mean, you like to go to the bathroom by yourself???"

"And shower by yourself!  Geez, you're asking a lot Mom!!!"

So I came across this little quote on Pinterest...and found it so fitting for me and mommy kitty....

Where is my knight?

Well, yesterday we had a new friend wasp try to move in with us....

do you see it up in there?  it was way meaner than it looks!

My two little farm girls alerted me of the situation as I was making lunch...and as they were buildng a tent to hide from the wasp.....

Alli saying "Is it gone?"

Hubby had awakened from his nap and was out in the time machine barn....I called him via cell phone and briefed him on our situation.  He said "What do you want me to do about it?"  Uh?? What???  What do I want YOU to do about it?  Well.....I want YOU to come in here like a knight in shining armour and get that damn thing!  I want YOU to come rescue me and your two little princesses! 

Put he didn't......so I made him into a knight!

"Did I hear a damsel in distress?"

So what to do, what to do.  We had no insect killer spray....since husband had used it all up the other day.  Had no sticky fly tape to catch it with, since husband had thrown that away.  Yes, I will turn this whole scenerio into his fault for not helping his damsel in distress.......

"Eeeek!  Oh help me, help me!  There is a wasp in here!"

(that's me!)



So, I set out with a rolled up newspaper. I hit it twice and did nothing put piss the poor thing off, scare the crap out of myself, and make my children hide further into their tent.

Let's take a moment for you to admire how clean the corner of my window is!

I'm a neat freak!  What can I say!

But that wasp is MAD!!!!

All of a sudden, I had a fantastic idea! 

 (Like I usually do!) 

   I will spray it with hairspray! 

 It will work like glue!

(hey, I made a short poem!)



And it worked!  Now let's hope it was "All Day Hold."

Little Alli finally came out of her hiding tent.  Looked at the remains of the wasp...and said "Mmmm, it smells good over here!"  Yes dear, that is how a princess kills a wasp, and keeps the house smelling good!



Sleepless in the country....

Sometimes I like to pretend that my husband and I were "destined" to be together like some princess fairy tale.  But it just isn't true.  We did go to high school together....a class of 30 some.   And when we tell that to people that don't know us, they ALWAYS say "Awww, so you were 'high school sweethearts!'"  Um.....no..... We actually claim that we didn't like each other at all.  I was a cheerleader and "portrayed" a goody-good girl, even though I wasn't most of the time.  And well, he was straight out all bad news!
However, I do find it odd that we both submitted this senior pic to be in our year book.  It's basically the same picture!  And if you ask me, well that must be some sort of destiny!

(I really like how my pants go past my belly button)

(I really like how my husband has the start of a mullet going on)



Let's get on with it, the real reason I am writing this blog today is to tell you how sleepless I am. 
My husband is not only a farmer, he also works for a warehouse.  He gets up everyday around 3:30am.  And he is NOT quiet!  So we have resorted to each having our own bedrooms. How romantic, right?
So last night the girls snuggle in with me.  And all I can hear is music.  Not just any music, it's Sublime!  And it's coming from the barn...I just know it!  I get it up and press my ear to all the windows facing the barn.  Yes, I swear I can hear every lyric.

(ha, see what I did there!  I added lyrics and notes to the barn!!!)

So I don't go turn the music off.....because some mad man might be out there.  I've watched too much of America's Most Wanted.  Instead I go back to bed.  I can still hear the music and it reminds me of my college days.  Now I can't sleep.  I am having flash backs of college.  I toss and turn.  Then ask little Alli,  "Do you hear that?"   She says "What?"  I say "Music?!"  She says "No, I just hear the clock."

Okay, great.  Now I don't hear music anymore.  I just hear the clock in the living room.  Then I notice our clock doesn't tick-tock.  It just ticks......

(by they way....i took this picture this morning....at 9am!   It was like 10:30pm last night! Party animal, I know!)



Well the ticks must have finally put me to sleep, because next thing I hear is husbands alarm beeping.  And then....this is what happens every morning......................He goes to the bathroom --in his bathroom which is upstairs and located right above my bedroom and then flushes the toliet.  I swear the pipes from that bathroom go all over like a maze behind my bedroom walls.  It is so loud.  Next he turns on the shower and lets it run.....to warm it up? I don't know.  While the shower is warming up and running water all down the pipes that surround my room, he comes stomping down the steps to the kitchen to make coffee.  Turns on the brightest biggest light in the kitchen.  Now he goes back up the stairs. 
Okay so at this point- I am laying in bed.  Surrounded by the sound of water running down my walls and now I have to listen to the coffee pot gurgle.  And a spot light blaring into my room.
Finally his shower is done and coffee is done.  I think I usually briefly fall back to sleep here.  And then............beep..beep....beep..beep....it's the microwave.  Now he is making himself breakfast.  I can hear him open the frozen blueberry pancakes, sit them on a paper plate, close the microwave door and push start.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Next I can hear him open the fridge, take out the syrup, slam the fridge shut.  Then he sits down to eat said pancakes.  KLANK!  What's that???  OH My Gosh!!!!  I think it was silverware!  Now I can't sleep. "Why is he using a metal fork...when we have perfectly good plastic ones!!!???"  

(proof he used a real fork)

Next he makes himself his lunch for the day.  I have asked him numerous times to make this before he goes to bed....it would save him some time....and give me so much sleep!  But he says he has a "routine."  He opens every drawer several times.  I can hear them all glide open and shut.  What he is doing--- I don't know.  One drawer has ziploc baggies. One has containers.  One has the plastic forks.  (Maybe today I will combine them all into one drawer!!!)  Then I can hear him dishing out leftovers into containers.  I swear he is packing enough food for a 5 day hike.  And speaking of hiking, I can hear every step he makes.  It sounds like he is walking in a 5k race.  Seriously, I measured our kitchen floor this morning...it is 8 steps by 7 steps.  Everything should be within arms reach!  At this point I start to kick my feet loudly on the bed- hoping he can hear that he has woken me up.  That doesn't work so I let out a big annoyed sigh.
Oh my goodness.  I think it worked.  He went outside.  And started his pickup.  Wait......what's this........he's BACK!!!!!!!!!!  Must be letting the pick up 'warm up' in August...??  Now he is putting ice cubes in a cup.  And now he is pouring hot coffee over the icecubes.....I can hear the cubes cracking...............

(the now famous coffee cup and lunch)

Finally I hear him grab a granola bar.....lights go out and door shuts...........AHHH.....finally........sleep.

Not yet!  Now the dog is barking................She barked 36 times in a row.  I counted....oh wait....add on 5 more barks.

(Miss Daisy....she's not very photogenic, is she?)

Finally, I must have fallen asleep.  Only to be woke up by an annoying fly...I even tried hiding under the covers.....but it wouldn't leave me alone.  I decided I must smell like horse poo and that is why the fly loves me so......so I got up......... 

And then the husband came home early from work....and look who's sleeping.....it's not me!

I love you honey!  I really do!

I just love to sleep too!

My Pinterest Challenge = 'SUCK'cess!

I am a Pinterest addict!  I have to have it everyday!  I think about it when I am at work and I can not wait to get home and see what Pinterest has to offer me today!
I have tried 2 recipes. One was for 'Taco Cupcakes' and the other was for 'Lasagna Cupcakes.' My husband hated both, I could tell.  He didn't say he did, but after 2 episodes of 'Leftover Cupcakes' he did politely say "No more cupcake meals!"

Here at the photos of my cupcakes.  You can check the real thing out here Plain Chicken Blog.
Mine obviously look nothing like those!!!! 

Yes the lasagna cupcake is sitting on a cottage cheese lid for the photo op.

And by the way, let's get this out in the open.  I own a $99 Kodak camera that I bought 3 years ago at K-Mart.  So none of my photos will ever make anything look better than it really is!!!  (and yes, my family eats every meal off paper plates!  I also HATE doing dishes!)

The next Pinterest Challenge I decided to burden my self with was the melted crayon canvas.....oooh aaahhh.  I don't know why I wanted to do this.  I think it was the kid in me and crayons were on sale at K-Mart for 25 cents a box!

Here is the photo I saw!

You can buy a real one here!  Why wouldn't you want one of these?

So I set out to find the needed supplies.
Canvas....check....I'll just paint over this ugly painting!

Next find white paint to paint over ugly painting....check!

Next find paint brush to paint ugly painting with left over house paint.
Can't find one!  I'll just use a paper towel!  Check!

Next get crayons ready!  Check!

Line 'em up how you like them! Check!

At this point, one would probably let the paint dry and then come back and the glue the crayons on.  Oh no, not me, I am too impatient for that!  So I just added a bit more paint to act as glue and stuck on the crayons!

Now how are we gonna melt them?  With a hairdryer! Check!

In the above picture we were probably only about 20 minutes in.  I was hot!  I was sweating!  And I was impatient.  That is when 7 year old daughter Autumn came in and said "Oh cool! I wanna do it!"  The perfectionist in me said "Oh no, don't let her do it!"  And the mommy in me said "Good grief, let her be a kid!"  So the mommy in me won-only because I was hot!  I gave Autumn some brief perfectionist directions and then went outside to cool off!  Yes, outside to cool off in August!
Autumn came running out 10 minutes later and said "It's done, it's done! Come see mommy!"

And this is what I walked back into.....

AHHH!  The perfectionist in me started freaking out!  "Oh dear god, I wanted the crayons melted more.  Oh dear god, there are smudges on it!!!!!!!"   But the mommy in me said "Oh Autumn you did such a good job!"  As I grabbed the hair dryer....the perfectionist in me thought "Oh just get the hairdryer and melt it some more, that should cover up the smudge!"  Then Autumn says "Mommy what are you doing?"  And I say "Oh just gonna melt it some more."  And that is when I notice I can't get the damn hairdryer to turn on!  I tried everything, including every outlet in the house!  I said to Autumn "I think you blew up the hairdryer!"  And she says "No mommy, it just quit working!"
So the picture remains as it is.  It only cost me $1 in crayons and I guess the price of a new hairdryer.
I was so excited to try this project, but all excitement was deflated from me when husband came home and said "What the hell is that???"